A doctor walks into a staff meeting with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. A nurse asks him why he has a thermometer behind his ear? The doctor grabs the thermometer, looks at it, and exclaims, “Damn, some a**hole has my pen!”
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea what some people will do to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"…- Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat. One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the…
Three men were buried under a landslide in China. They're inside a car when it happened, and miraculously still have cell phone connection. The first man made a phone call to the police: "I'm a good citizen and husband, please come save us!" The police tell him they will come for them in 24…- A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and ... cola." "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."
