Kung Fu Lessons

A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers… “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, their wings seeming like flames?” “Yes, my master, I have.” 

 “And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?” “Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.” 

 “And the moon, when it touches the calm water, reflecting all its enormous beauty?” “Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.” 

 “That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training.”

Fishing in China

A man phones his wife and asks her: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod and fishing box. We’re leaving from office and I’ll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!” The wife noticed that there’s something fishy in her husband’s story but since she was a good wife she listened to her husband and did exactly as he told her. After a week the husband returned home, looking a bit tired but happy to have done a good job. The wife immediately started asking about the weekend, how it was, if he’d caught any fish and so on. The husband said: “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pyjamas?” To which the wife responded: “I did…..They’re in your fishing box”.

question for a game

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"