Donation of Blood

I was wanted to donate blood today, but they ask too many personal questions. Like who’s blood is this and where did I get it.

Rectal Thermometer

 

A doctor walks into a staff meeting with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. A nurse asks him why he has a thermometer behind his ear? The doctor grabs the thermometer, looks at it, and exclaims, “Damn, some a**hole has my pen!”

orange juice in bath

DOCTOR:'Did you drink your orange juice after your bath?'
PATIENT:'After drinking the bath I didn't have too much room for the orange juice.'

happy lady

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

liver results

Doctor says to his patient: “Your liver results are back. And frankly, they’re very surprising considering that I only allowed you one glass of wine per week.” - The patient shrugs: “Do you really think you are the only doctor I am going to?”

problems with tea

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.