making pasta

A Broadway producer is telling his woes to a bartender and is explaining how much money he is losing on his latest play. He knows it's no good but feels if he could get some awards people would start talking about it and wanting to go see it. He just needs to figure out a way to get this play to win some big awards. The bartender interrupts and says "Hey, I hear you. My mom taught me how to do just that. Come by my place tomorrow and I will teach you too." Skeptically, the producer agrees and shows up at the bartender's house the next day. The bartender has eggs and flour all over the counter. The producer is curious what is going on and asks what this is all for. "Jump on in here, we are going to make some pasta" the bartender replies. "Why are we making pasta!?!" the producer shoots back in frustration. The bartender looks at the producer dumbfounded and exclaims "You wanted to learn how to rigatoni, right?

never without you

Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you."
Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?"
Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."

water to wine

An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. He says: "Have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"