sex lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week". The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active sex life". The 80-year old man laughs and shakes his head. "What a sad pair you two make. I'm an old fart and I bang my wife almost every day of the week". The other two look at him in disbelief. "It's true", he says, "almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday,..."

Environment speech

An environmentalist was giving a speech and told his audience that if we continue on our present course all life on earth will be gone in 50 years. A member of the audience jumped to his feet and cried out in panic, "What? What did you say?!" The environmentalist solemnly repeated, "I said if we continue the way we are that every man, woman, and child on earth will be gone in fifty years." The man sat down in relief and said, "Oh, thank God. I thought you said *fifteen* years."

Old Man at the Bus Stop

 

Every day as i walk to the bus stop I speak with a 93 year old man with alzheimers who sits on his rocking chair looking over his yard with a concerned expression. He musters his strength and calls out to me "hey.. have y-you seen m-my wife?" And every day i have to tell him "I'm so sorry.. your wife has passed away 10 years ago". Ive considered not telling him but my mornings always feel better after I see the look of sheer joy on his face.

the health walk

A grandma and a grandpa are going out for their daily health walk and grandma can’t decide. “I don’t know, Joe, should I wear my bra do you think?” “Yeah, Rosie, you better, it’s quite muddy out.”