Summer in the Cathedral

Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat. One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the door. "Wardrobe man." Says the man, and the first nun repentantly opens the door. The man, unable to see her, gives a slight nod behind the furniture before bringing it inside. Without a word, he leaves the cathedral, no sign of seeing her shame. An hour later, a second knock on the door. "Window man." Says he, to whom the second nun reluctantly opens the door. To her relief, again the man's sight was obstructed, the box for the windows wide and tall. The man strides in, giving a slight nod, before tirelessly leaving the box near the far wall and returning to his truck, unaware of the nuns nakedness. An hour later, the door is struck a third time. The man cries out "Blind man." With a sigh of relief, the third nun strolls to the door. Upon opening it, the man with the slight box looks her over. "Nice tits. So where do you want these blinds?"

Long Bridge

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports to the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust every natural resource I have made. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Residence in Heaven

 An old priest died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven Next to him was a young Uber driver who died seconds ago from his reckless driving. The priest was called first, and St Peter said, "For your life long career working for the church, we will give you a small studio where you can stay at for the rest of eternity." Then St Peter turns to the Uber driver, and said, "For your 2 years as an Uber driver, we will give you a giant mansion by the lake, and a Ferrari in a heated garage." The priest thought it was strange and unfair, and protested, "Why does the Uber driver deserve so much more than me, when I have devoted my whole life to the church and God?" St Peter explained, "You see - during your sermons, half of the audience was sleeping, and the other half was just looking at their phones; but when the Uber driver was driving, everyone was praying!"

help at the customs

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.
When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

the choice

A passenger on an airplane sits next to a priest. Soon after the plane takes off, he accepts a glass of wine from the friendly stewardess, but the priest smiles apologetically at the stewardess’ offer and explains, “As a representative of the Catholic Church, I have to refuse the alcohol, just as I would refuse intercourse.” His neighbor looks up from his glass and then at the stewardess, “I’m sorry – there was a choice?”