Long Bridge
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports to the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust every natural resource I have made. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
- DOCTOR:'Did you drink your orange juice after your bath?' PATIENT:'After drinking the bath I didn't have too much room for the orange juice.'
- A man walks in a bar with his ipod... He suddenly realises he needs to fart. He logs into Itunes and ups the volume thinking 'the music is loud no one will hear' So he farts... When he looks around, everyone's staring at him. Then he realises... He was listening to his ipod with headphones.
- A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
- A Doberman, a Golden Retriever and a cat died and met God. God said to them, “Tell me why I should let you into heaven.” The Doberman said, “I’ll protect you with my life.” God said, “You can sit at my right side.” The Golden Retriever said, “I will fetch your slippers and anything else you ask me…