A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, one of the pipes in the upstairs bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?”
The husband says, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?”
A few days go by and he comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?”
He says, “What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?”
Another few days go by, and it’s raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, “Honey, there’s a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?”
He says, “What do I look like, Bob Vila?”
The next day the husband comes home and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing and the car. He asks his wife what happened.
“Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them,” she says.
“Great! How much is that going to cost me?” he snarls.
The wife says, “Nothing. He said he’d do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him.”
“The nerve of him! So, what kind of cake did you bake?” asks the husband.
"What do I look like, Betty Crocker?"
A blind guy with a seeing eye dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he starts swinging the dog around on the leash. The bartender says "SIR STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!" The blind says "Oh i'm just looking around...
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A woman asks a carpenter to fix the wardrobe in their house, because when the train is passing by the house, the wardrobe shakes and makes noise. When the carpenter arrives to the house he tells the woman: "I'll go inside the wardrobe and close the door, and when the train passes by I'll…