A Russian and an American are sentenced to Hell.
The Devil summons them and says: “Guys, you have 2 options: an American or Russian Hell. In the American one you can do what you want, but you’ll have to eat a bucket of shit every morning. The Russian one is the same, but it’s 2 buckets.”
The Yankee quickly makes up his mind and goes to American Hell, while the Russian eventually chooses the Russian one.
In a week or so they meet.
The Russian asks: “So, what’s it like out there?”
“Exactly what the devil said, the Hell itself is OK, but eating a bucket of shit is killing me. And you?”
“Ah, it feels just like home – either the shit doesn’t get delivered or there aren’t enough buckets for everyone.”
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A blind man went to a restaurant. Menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the…
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man. “Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?” The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says “Sir, if you…