- So a wife buys her husband a scale to help him with his new year's resolution: to go on a diet. A week later the husband says, "Honey, this here scale is great! Now not only can I weigh myself, but now I know how much I'm shitting out on my new diet!" The wife says, "That's great; I never…
- Putin goes undercover as a drill sergeant. Talking to a new recruit, he asks - Where are you from, private? - Sir, St. Petersburg - Oh, I'm from there too. Who's your father? - Sir, my father is President Vladimir Putin. - That is impossible, how can that be? - Sir,…
- A grandma and a grandpa are going out for their daily health walk and grandma can’t decide. “I don’t know, Joe, should I wear my bra do you think?” “Yeah, Rosie, you better, it’s quite muddy out.”
- A blind guy with a seeing eye dog walks into a bar. Suddenly, he starts swinging the dog around on the leash. The bartender says "SIR STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!" The blind says "Oh i'm just looking around...